JACK & SPADES: Intellectual

Showing posts with label Intellectual. Show all posts

Fantasies

I was out on the terrace this evening, with the wind blowing in my face, listening to Bon Jovi on loop, strolling around watching the horde of cars whistling down the freeway overlooking my apartment. It seemed perfect and made me realize that I was chasing a fantasy all this while, a fantasy of a perfect life.

As a teenager, I had this fantasy all planned. I knew there might be a few hiccups but they’ll sort themselves out. Now I'm not going to share it. It's a bit hazy because back then I only had an overview. I left out the minute details figuring they weren't really important but now that I am actually really close to living this fantasy, I realize how important those details were.

I want to change a lot of things, not a drastic change though. A more gradual change, slowly putting things back in order. As a child you carry with yourself many different fantasies. Each day you see something new or hear something for the first time, your fantasies evolve. Post a certain age, when you have to finally decide which one of these fantasies you really want to chase, you try your best to somehow pick up the best pieces out of each of them, morph them into something realistic and go for it. A bunch of them are left right there at this precise moment. Lost and forgotten. Some of them stay with you for a while but during this journey at the end of which you believe is your perfect life, the morphed pieces start coming apart and you keep losing them on the way, one by one, some, without even realizing. Eventually you reach somewhere close to your destination, only to realize you don’t even know if what's left of your fantasy is actually what should have stuck with you all this time? Maybe you dropped something which might have brought you more happiness and fulfillment. You see your destination but you don’t want to reach there because once you do, the world will not let you turn back.

Even after you ignore the world, turning back isn’t easy itself. It demands a lot of courage. What if you’re too late into starting this race all over again. Maybe someone else picked up that fantasy of yours and made a life out of it that you wished you had, maybe you’ll never find this fantasy or even when you do, what if it’s not how you imagined it would be? Then comes the pain. The pain of knowing that the one life you had so meticulously thought out as a child has landed you in a situation where you don’t know where to go. Do I stay at this destination forever and settle for it, maybe it’s actually not too bad? Do I turn back, take on the world and start off for whatever’s next? Do you actually get to live out multiple fantasies?

No one can answer these questions and we all know there’s only one way to find out. So why not! One life, remember? I’m not saying just get up one day and quit everything. Think about what next, plan and start taking smaller retreating steps from where you currently are. Look towards your left and right, notice how everyone else is trying to push themselves forward but look at their eyes, they are all blindfolded. Stop someone and ask them, where to next? They’ll just point you to the person ahead of them. Should we really live following someone blindfolded?

Noticed how I used the word fantasy and not dreams the entire length of this post? Its because fantasies are really worth turning back for. You have no control over your dreams. Fantasies are something you create for yourself. Maybe they are unrealistic but heck, everything is unrealistic until someone eventually does it. Think about where you are and what you want to do, maybe there something else, better, that you and your life deserves.

Healer

This is my favorite month of the year for more reasons than one, but if you think about it, it’s not the perfect month. It’s not as cold and beautiful as a foggy December morning, it’s not as pleasant and lively as an April evening breeze. It’s humid, it’s tacky, it has potholes and ditches with rainwater. It is a prequel to something beautiful that is about to come but not there yet. I carry this taste with me in everything I like, including people.

I am not a fan of perfection. I think it is highly overrated. I like broken things and I like fixing them. Maybe it’s a symptom I need to get checked out but for now let’s assume I’m normal. I find people who know what it means to be crumbled, appealing. They have been shattered before and they have learned how to pick up those fragmented pieces, stick it all together and move on. The one quality which will be synonymous among them is that you will never realize just how ruptured they have been until they let you. You could spend years knowing a person and still know nothing about them. That doesn't make them two faced, not at all, it’s just their way of caring about you, because they know their baggage is too heavy for someone else to share. So they’ll carry it themselves for as long as they have to without even an inclination of bowing down because of the weight. These are the people who have so much personality hidden inside them that no one unearths. I aspire to be someone who could unwrap it, even if it’s just the top most layer. It’s a healing feeling that I can’t describe. I know I sound twisted, maybe it’s my own blanket I unfolded tonight, maybe it doesn't need to be a person to do that, a blank sheet of paper holds more power than most things in life and maybe a blank sheet of paper is my healer indeed.

Chemistry

Regrets are the worst among everything that the world has in store for us. I was wondering today if I could go back in time would it really change the way I have lived? Possibly not. We keep imagining how different our lives could have been if only we took that trip or said something when we didn't or just been a little more aware of the situation back then but is it really possible? Of course it looks so now but if I put you right back where you were without the additional intellect that you have acquired since, you are most likely to act the same way that you did. So what purpose do regrets serve, nothing at all but we still can't seem to let go of them. Human mind is like those salt detection tests you did in the chemistry lab in XII where when you expect the solution to turn green it will obviously turn red instead and possibly catch fire as well.

Bet I fooled you in with the title. Little joys.

Gump

I want to run. Just run and not look back.

Its really strange how on some days even though nothing really goes wrong, it feels like one of the worst days ever. I've probably always managed to convince myself not to write when I'm down but I couldn't help today.

As a child when parents used to tell me that my life is really simple and easy, I used to shrug it off and never believed them. For me, the geography Monday test was the worst thing that could happen to anyone in their life. People also explained how we should listen to elders because they have experienced life and all I used to think was, "No, I am right. Why would they know more than me?". Experience is important because it helps you look beyond just tomorrow and life will throw you into situations where the only way to swim across is to look beyond what's right next to you.

Its equally amazing how you can always trust life to turn at the most unexpected moments and leave you wondering how fucking crazy is this guy who is making this universe work. I understand its impossible to foresee what life has in store for us, but a little heads up about it might help.

Sincerely.

Just What Life Does To You

"No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it’s hard. Except if there’s an upside to free falling. It’s the chance you give your friends to catch you." - Grey’s Anatomy.

Alright, my mid-terms are starting from tomorrow. So what’s the right thing to do? Exactly! Get a crazy TV show addiction. But no, this isn't about the show. This isn't about philosophy, this isn't about humor. So what’s this about, let’s just go ahead and see where it goes, maybe it is about the show after all.

LIFE has changed, for good, for now. No, not trying to be a pseudo pessimist here but if you read my last post you know what has changed. The thing about changes is, you never know how long they are going to last. With major changes comes major transformations (yes sue me for stealing the Spiderman tagline). For one, I have lost the art of concentration. Yes, my attention span has reduced to less than that of a sparrow. So mid terms are officially screwed. But that’s not what is bothering me right now. In fact it’s the least of my concerns. The thing with attention span is, it’s required for far more important activities than study. To begin with, reading. The lost art it seems. It's been years since I waited for this moment, when I can read the stuff I want to read, as much as I want to read, without a hint of obligation to do something else, without the urgency to finish as fast as I can. And now that I have finally reached that stage, I seem to have lost the capability to read. Did I wait too long? Is it a skill you lose if you don’t practice it frequently enough? I don’t know and I hope it isn’t. Just want to go back to where I left it, for once I do not have the strength to start all over again.

While we are still ranting, one more custom made cliché. Why do we ever get over people we used to like? There are stages of letting others into your life: you meet them, you like them, you get to know them, you like them some more and then somehow you never realize when they become a part of your existence. Then, as time passes, in between those close moments and those distances that seep in, somehow, slowly you drift apart even when you never intended to. You meet new people, interesting people and the cycle continues. I want out, I want to hold on to people I have in my life currently, I want to break the cycle but this transformation I talked about earlier is exactly what might cause this cycle to start spinning all over again. It’s scary.

Anyway, let’s just hold it there. Not the post I wanted to write but if you don’t let your thoughts free fall when you write, you don’t deserve to write at all.

Adios, pray that I don’t flunk in what might probably be among the last sets of exams I give in my life :D

Musings : An year went by!

Yes, an year-end post. I have no excuses on why I haven’t been writing. But I am now, so just let me. Funny, this time last year, I was so excited to do a year-end post. I guess that is one aspect of my life that has changed in this past year.

Yes I still feel inspired, pretty much every day. Not just about writing but about nearly hundred other things that I wish I could do just about then and there. And then reality hits me, something’s pulling me back, so hard that no matter how much I try, it just doesn’t let go. The crazy part is I have no idea what that something is. Maybe figuring out that something is what I should be looking forward to, in this coming year. But then, I realize, I don’t want to know. I think I have come to terms with this force to the extent that I am now addicted to it and not in a good way. I somehow enjoy it, the restriction of being opposed, of not being able to do something you want. Why? I again have no idea. Probably I have been so free for so long that now there exist a sense of infatuation to this obsession of being controlled and it’s sinful. It’s thwarting my flight.

2012 will arrive soon enough. I haven’t thought of what 2011 did to me or what 2012 might but one noticeable thing that has revealed itself in this past year is my stance on relationships, primarily friendship. It’s a weird world this and even weirder are its people. We join hands in our needs and no matter how much you might disagree; we are all a bunch of hypocrites who roam around fearlessly until someone starts judging us. And by judging I mean in a good way. But we ignore, swear, neglect and move on. The ones who still persist become our friends. I miss precisely 5 people very dearly today. I don’t take names here and four of them don’t even know I have a blog but they know how I am or how I feel better than most. So here’s to friendship and those countless moments of sheer bliss that you have spent with friends. May this New Year bring in your life what true friends do.

I haven’t shared so much for quite some time and I have no idea why I did today but somehow it felt nice. Every time I write something close to me here, my love for this blog increases manifold. Of the things I have done for myself, this has been one of the most precious ones.

Chao, see you all next year. -.-

What's your creed?

The hardest part about growing up is not about realizing that everything you believed in or everything you adulated about life was a big fat lie and a piece of crap,it's accepting the same.

Realizing is easy, every one around you would help you realize the reality, make sure you are all ears to their pessimistic opinions because of their factually proven experiences.
But you ignored them, you were too self-boasting and narcissistic to accept their views. You believed it's one-in-a-million possibility that anything can ever deter your faith, belief, opinion or dreams.

The truth is, all this vanity on your part lands you to a point in time when that one fateful event happens and it shatters up every single belief you had since childhood, sucks up all those exultant emotions you thought you would never let go off your face. Sure enough, there maybe plenty of moments capable of shuddering your credence throughout your life, but there are only a few of them capable of completely ripping it apart.

Maybe it's because of how we grow up, maybe it's because of how we are brought up. Every single desire met, centre-of-attention, cared , got-what-i-want philosophy and what not. Maybe it's because of what we see, what we are made to believe, not by real life but by fiction, books, movies , TV etc. Every child grows up believing he's special, every child grows up believing he's born to do something special. Realization of this being a complete hogwash comes fast and early but the same isn't true for acceptance.

You believed that when things aren't going right, or not going your way; it simply means it's not yet the time for it to go your way.The hard part is accepting that the time you are waiting for, isn't ever going to come, it's never going to go your way. The hardest part is to give up even though you don't want to. Letting go of your creed is all that life is all about and it's all that life teaches you.

The “CAMP” theory.

I can only imagine what life could have been if everyone started believing in the so-called theory of “camps” or groups” in college. Some immature and infantile students constantly refer to other students belonging to certain camps, and every time I hear this strange word being used to describe our professional and social interactions, I wonder what it really means.

Does it mean we while away our days sitting around in our very own “adda” ( the one room where group meetings take place), scrutinizing and scheming the actions and trials of other groups, designing exclusive members only jackets and coining code words that we would use with each other in public to threaten a rival camp.

Funnier still is how they would expect us to be at social do’s and functions. Standing around in clusters, blowing smoke rings as we sneer down at lesser beings, guffawing loudly and greeting, all the while staying firmly within the invisible but glaringly obvious “lakshman- rekha” we’ve drawn around us. God forbid we step into anyone else’s territory! How gloriously camp all this sounds!

Truth be told, I believe camps are so retro, and the word itself is pretty cagey in definition. But really now, do our supposed camps come with rules and codes of conduct, dress codes and oaths to swear on, verbally binding contracts and silent sacrifices expected to be made? To me this all sounds very high school, it’s about time we come out and say we’re all grown ups now, perfectly capable of working and playing together without feeling bound by false notions of loyalty or professional fidelity.

Unfortunately, very few people believe in what I say. The true nature of relationship between two not-so-socially-interactive persons is not necessarily one of hatred. While we may not be brothers in arms, and quite possibly not as fraternal as I would have wished, we aren’t sworn enemies either. The maintenance of balance instructs that we need to work in harmony, without constantly needing to harmonize together. We are supportive, yet not overtly so, but we are also human and competitive.

As utopian as it could be, I can’t make everyone my family, and I really wouldn’t want to either. I value relationships, but just give them different manifestations and degrees of importance in my lives. Just because I spend time with my friends a lot doesn’t mean they’ve pledged themselves to me alone, and just because they chose to spend some time with others doesn’t make me feel betrayed. So, very sadly, to pop your voyeuristic bubble, selfishness should overtake jealousy, and we should all be too focused on our own work to invest negatively in someone else’s projects.

So I’m campaigning for an end to this camp theory. Healthy life needs a lot of support, and at the end of the day, when you call the college to gather together for a cause, an issue, or even just a fabulous party, we band together in unison. We may show up in clusters, but we are there as one. We don't have camps, and there isn’t a head counselor or a don calling the shots.

We are ‘one’ there and that’s how I would wish it remains elsewhere as well.

Hail Life?

Life has constantly been changing for ever. And now I realise that we are nothing more than a piece of wood drifting along a journey called life. Sometimes you get caught in a branch or dock at a rock and form a certain bond with your surroundings and other pieces of wood around. Some of them stale, some of them precious. It may take any amount of time for one to realise if where you are, or what you do is good or bad. But nevertheless as the journey progresses it leaves you etched with character.

I have finally let go of it…had to do it. Evaluated the priorities of my life and finally took this call. At times I’m repenting my decision whereas at times I’m thinking, it was just another opportunity… what is there in a missed opportunity ?

Yes, it was a very lucrative one, something which is hard to come by, something that is not easy to deny, something which makes you feel really nice and special, but still I decided to let it go in a hope to fulfill some larger objectives of my life. Those objectives after which I’m running for more than an year now but with no result! Those objectives which have made me miss opportunities that I may live to regret for the rest of my life but still I wanted to run after this one as somewhere down the line I believed it would make up for everything i loose along the way. But lately some doubts have crept in in this wall of faith .

I’ve no idea if I’m doing right or wrong, no idea if I will ever get lucky enough to find anything similar to this again but still I’m giving it up with a hope that my decisions will prove to be right someday & things will turn out better. “Hope for better” is all I should think of in such a state of mind. Yes I’m apprehensive, anxious, worried, confused, depressed, feeling low & negative too…you heard it right; I’m feeling negative and not positive towards things right now! I’m not sure how am I supposed to feel optimistic about life when despite all my efforts, things are just not turning the right way for years now. And for a change I don’t wanna follow the bandwagon of “pseudo-optimism”. I want to accept my real feelings and the realities the way they are right now.

Ok, so let me ask you a simple question !!

You all must have read Robert Frost's 'The road not taken'. He talks about a point in life when you are at a crossroad. You see two paths in front of you, one which is tried and tested by many and one which is deserted and not travelled upon. It's easier to know what is right and wrong in a situation like this, you know for a fact that the less-walked on path will for sure set you for greater acheivement in the long run even if it means a few hiccups initially. But what if i modify the script a little? What if the crossroad now has two different kinds of paths, one which your heart tells you to follow and the other which your mind pegs you to !!

None of the two are right or wrong, none of them is evil or holy, none of them is easy to choose. You know that each of these paths has it merits and demerits, each of it would help you gain something but make you loose something else ,each of it is hard to let go. So how would you decide which one could prove to be a graver loss? how would you choose which path will not make you regret more ??

Difficult , did i hear to say? Welcome to my world or to everyone's world so to say. If you think you haven't faced a situation like this, it's just that it wasn't that important an instant to register in your mind, wait.. and i am sure you'll get your's in due time.

Recently phases in my life have also made me more & more contemplative towards so many other things. "Be positive! Optimistic raho toh sab theek ho jayega! Don’t regret! Always look on the brighter side of life! Be cheerful alwayz , don't let your feelings bow you down, don't let people realise that you are faking that smile, that deep down you are not as happy go lucky as you may appear, that you too have inhibitions and desires and selfishness." Does it really work ??

At times don't we all feel the need to have someone who knows when you are not holding up that strongly as you appear to be, who knows that behind all that glitter is a heart that needs some respite. When past starts to haunt you, places in history and their memories haunt you, people and those moments you spent with them haunt you, love haunts you..... and that's when you start to realise, some things even God can't answer, for he made human as competent as he could but none of his creations are perfect and so is life!!

PS: The post might look a bit inconsistent in terms of content which appears to be a mix of unrelated queries but on the inside everything is infact quite well intermingled.

Moments.

I won’t dramatize it much coz I really don’t have the patience nor the will to write much today.

And it has more to do with the fact that what I am going to write about today is just not possible to be put down in words, emotions as they say, are best felt inside the heart and never understood in their true spirit unless experienced.

So it’s yet another of those days when I will sound philosophical and slightly intellectual.. but everyone of us has these days and today just happens to be yet another of mine.

Take a moment of silence now…. Breathe… calm your-self, for a moment forget whatever is occupying the precious little space inside your mind.It’s time to think about life again.

How do you recall your life till now?

If I ask you to take a trip down the memory lane (I know It’s a clichéd saying) what all do you actually remember of the past two decades of your existence? (if you are of my age group)

Right from the time we were a small child uptill now, isn’t our life as we remember, merely a collection of some unforgettable moments, a collage of distinguished incidences, some memorable interactions.. some remarkable journeys.. and mostly some very special people you meet along the way !!

Yes it’s all about moments…

Each day comes loaded with a sundry of instances which have the potential to be etched in our memory for years to come. At that instant we have no idea how significant that particular piece in time could be in our life. What we do, what we say, any and every action of ours could make that one moment freeze as a time quantum in our memory forever or the other way around.

But mostly we let go of them, we are either too busy to partake or just too lazy to acknowledge their coming. At times our mind denies us permission coz it doesn’t foresee any benefits or mostly we are plainly too ignorant to realize their significance.

Hence this little post here is a small piece of advice to everyone out there who reads this…. Live each moment to the fullest, do what you fell like doing, give up a few things for the greater joy… try not to crib too often, listen to your heart sometimes, never let go of people you like, mind isn’t always right, and at times accepting defeat when you know you are right is more gratifying than the win itself !!

As SRK says…. JIYO,HASO… MUSKURAO …Kya pata KAL HO NA HO !!

That’s my excuse for doing all those things that I should not be doing and vice versa :)

Same Old Happiness Debate.

Way to much stuff is happening in life currently, college taking most of my time with tests and assignments on full swing ,labs, seminars, some stuff I am doing for the college’s fest website (which btw gets rejected every time by a snob of an in charge – miss (or Mrs ?) AV) , random fun activities with friends in the hostel and random unnecessary arguments with not so much friendly people etc. etc.

Ironically not much variety of emotions were part of all this other than the usual happiness and excitement on the outside. I always deliberately strive hard to maintain them on my face even if it’s fake and recently came to know of it’s allowance. Quite inspiring it is when people come to you to ask how you remain so cheerful all the time? Always leaves me speechless…Coz the truth is, when we were a child, we maintained a gleeful façade effortlessly because of our life back then permitted us to do so but now its exceptionally hard to maintain and that’s where the issue starts.

You must be wondering why on every other personal post of mine I rope in this topic of keeping your spirits high all the time? For one last time I wish to clarify a few things and end this topic for once and for all:

From quite some time now, I have been observing people and their behaviour around me and realised that my jovial form is many a times quite discerning to them. Let’s put it in the right sense, it’s hard for people to believe how can a person be cheerful most of the times? I am not sure if I should use the word but I believe it makes them jealous. How can I say that? This I can’t disclose coz it would lead to bad mouthing people which I don’t appreciate. I am not trying to sound like an overtly intellectual person on the road to sainthood, no, it’s just that a few things really gets on your mind and the only tool I have to flush them out is by writing it down on my blog (as I have told you: it’s my personal venting machine).

Anyway the point is, people start perceiving me as someone who is exceptionally lucky at all times, everything only good is what befalls on me, they envy the company of people that constitute my dwelling space, they envy my lifestyle, my choices, my way of living in general. This is not a self-appraisal post but this is what I genuinely felt. The envy part is not my chunk of concern, it’s quite righteous in fact, what bugs me is when their envy results in them performing particularly immature and irrational deeds. They start to treat you differently, judge your actions all the time, leave snide remarks about your personality, be unnecessarily sarcastic of even your unpretentious feelings and in general behaving in a way to let you down socially or in person.

For all of you… here’s some reality bite-

for starters, I M HUMAN !!! this fact I believe people seem to be forgetting these days, maybe i don't come across as a normal being to them. Hence for a fact I want to state this in writing: "I too, have and am facing failures, disappointments, anger, sadness, longing, fear, remorse and even jealousy. I have as much of negatives in my life as every next person has in his life." Just coz I don’t believe in sharing the pessimistic me with others doesn’t make me someone living the best life in the world. So your envy, though I am guilty to admit smug up the egotistical me, is in fact quite inane and futile.

I hope this clears the air but now that i come to think of it, if seeing someone happy makes you envious and involuntarily lets you do disgraceful acts then maybe, you don’t deserve a blog post of mine, what you need is maybe a dose of “Art of Living” to help you realise that life is so much more fun to be around people who are happy in other’s happiness. I am not authorised to say all this when I myself at times find it arduous to follow but at least I make an effort and it’s high time you do the same.

PS: Probably this is the reason I take awfully long to be social with people and ages to include them in my list of friends (for life and not on the friend list on fb). Coz its difficult to find people who understand you and your believes and share a common ground somewhere or even if they don’t at least they know to respect other’s doctrines and principles.

The great Indian Metro debate.

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This is actually a debate (‘heated discussion’would be more appropriate) that I had recently on a metro ride, returning from a friends’ get together in sec-18 Noida. Who was opposing me?? Yes ‘The one and only’ my dear friend AK. So he decided to share his theory on creationism, family history, and how God has a part to play in the tying of a cat to a pillar. His hypothesis:

“Praying to God to get your wishes fulfilled was invented because that’s the only way you could get the ordinary unwashed masses to meditate, an activity which has actual scientifically proven benefits today. Old Hindu saints preached that the cow was a sacred animal and that keeping one in the house as a pet would get you to heaven (and killing it would reserve you a seat in hell) because they knew how essential milk was for our health and wanted to ensure that we would have a constant supply of it.”

He went on to say “The forebears of human civilisation realised that they needed to incentivise doing the everyday good deeds as well and make people fear doing anything wrong and that’s why they invented God. For that reason, I believe in God, even though I don’t.” Yes he was saying all that while we were standing in an overcrowded Metro, and every other Aunty who believed in God was staring at us with an I-can-kill-you-right-here-right-now kind of an expression splashed across her face.

Since AK went ahead and shared an anecdote to illustrate his point, I decided to go ahead with one, too.(this might seem out of context now, but it related to the tale he narrated.. which I can’t include :( ). This was what I said “I have a lot of vivid dreams during my holidays. Sometimes it’s an action sequence, sometimes it’s horror, and sometimes I’m about to get lucky with Penelope Cruz” Ya, I am a total movie freak!! Anyway, coming back to what I said “I mention ‘about to’, because someone or the other will wake me up just as the good stuff is about to begin. As soon as consciousness takes over, the dream starts fading, and I don’t want that to happen. I quickly shut my eyes, and try to get back into that dream. I try to dream of Penelope again, but she’s fading away. Everything is slowly turning to reality. The pillow now feels like a pillow, and the simulated perfume no longer exists. I will never have Penelope.” As I finished this, I wasn’t surprised to see all the 'UNCLES' this time around, turning their heads towards me. Their expressions were one of disgust but deep down we both knew, they felt jealous !! ;)

Now whether you like Penelope or not, is a different matter. I have my days. That’s besides the point. My point—hypothesis, as AK says— is that once you know, you know. There’s no turning back. You can’t dumb yourself down (same as you cannot dumb yourself down into believing that you are still in your dream even after you have woken up), because let’s admit it, religion is all about dumbing you down. The problem with AK’s convoluted mess of a hypothesis, is he confuses God, with religion. He says “God doesn’t exist. End of story. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.”

“If that’s the case, you’re an atheist, and I’m an atheist; there’s no argument beyond that.” I tried to send him on a guilt trip which was obviously a bit mean. (If you do believe in God like me, you should probably stop reading this blog and please do not rethink your beliefs. And if you don’t, just sit quiet in the corner—grown ups are talking.)

So AK went pale when I called him an atheist and hence I had to reconcile him. Here is how I tried “But atheists are not just non-believers. They’re people who think for themselves. Once you remove God and religious doctrines, you have to make up your own. Every decision is your own, and you are aware of it. An atheist understands—or at least tries to understand—the thresholds of what’s good and fun, and what’s detrimental, causes harm, or is just plain stupid. ‘Make up your mind’ doesn’t mean violent, uncultured, anarchic or stupid. Atheists don’t go around slaughtering cows, eating unhealthy foods, or refuse to eat neem leaves, any more so than they would if they were followers of a religion. An atheist understands the reasons behind any religious practice, and practices them because of that understanding (elaborating what he had already said.. I know I am dumb, but it still worked).

Thankfully, modern civilisation and things-to-do-other-than-god-stuff is bringing about a change in thinking, with a lot more atheists roaming free on this planet. This is a good thing, for the points illustrated above. AK isn’t exactly wrong, but he isn’t right either. First of all, I think he’s got his concepts about Agnosticism (courtesy- Encarta) wrong. He’s clearly an atheist, so we’re off on a good start. His folly is he wants to blindly follow religion because he assumes it’s good for him. And that’s an irresponsible decision. Believing in GOD and following a religion are two completely different things and that's what he needs to understand.He quotes neem and meditation, and while those are acceptable religious practices, we’ve seen a lot of them which are detrimental to humanity. Besides, religion is not even required to perform them. As we have seen, you can meditate without praying to a God, you can have neem leaves without a morning sacrifice, and humanely rear cows without considering them to be gods.

Woof... all this was heavy and tiresome.But let’s excuse AK this once. I have a feeling his latest infatuation got to him which resulted in his thought-compass going haywire. I mean, on this very same day the idiot actually wanted the iPhone (yes, he has one) to have an extra button, that would serve functions like creating new tweets. Oh AK, get well soon.

The lost Innocence

When was the last time you played a board game with your entire family ?When was the last time you held no grudge against anyone around you ?When was the last time you stepped out and didn’t care who is watching you, how you should behave, the etiquettes you are expected to follow?When was the last time you believed that the world is full of people who are good, who do good things and think good about everyone else ?

If I am living in the same world as you are, I believe that your response would be nothing shorter than maybe a decade back. Have you ever thought what has changed so drastically so soon that it has transformed the very perception of your surroundings? No prizes for guessing , it’s your innocence.

What’s innocence? In general when people talk about innocence the prime gaffe they commit is to relate it to childhood, considering it more as a synonym for childlike behaviour than as personality trait that it primarily is. So when I will be asking you to hold on to your innocence, I won’t be soliciting you to choose between childhood and adulthood, I would merely be requesting you to embrace and cling onto the values, ethics and believes you possessed as a child, into your adulthood.

Its all too easy to argue that it’s practically not possible to survive as a grown up in this cruel world and still hold on to that child-like innocence you once possessed. It’s also simpler and even tempting to some extent to grow up (leaving behind that innocence) as fast as possible because of the enticing liberties and freedom that comes with it. Adding insult to injury are the societal pressures…. how many times have you heard your elders crib about the fact that you haven’t grown up, the age old redundant dialogue of every parent “grow up kid….you are not a child anymore?” (“grown up” here does not signify growth in terms of physical appearance but it metaphorically implies the growth of one’s intellect, sub conscious thoughts and inner desires and temptations)

What I retort back with when faced with a similar situation is this ..

How many “so called” grown up people have you seen who are not encountering any issue in facing and combating with the situations of life after having given up on their innocence? We all have to eventually land up in the weird battle of life for which our innocence for sure might not be enough as a survival tool. But the fact remains that once we enter the battlefield, there’s no return route , no turning back .Innocence, like virginity can only be lost once. Hence unless it becomes indispensible, why let go of that sole entity that makes this world a decent enough place to live in, that assists us in living through the disappointments of realistic situations and circumstances.

Why not have that blissful countenance, that carefree attitude, that angel like charm? Why not live a fairytale life till we can afford do so... after all as a recent bollywood song says it correctly “dil toh bachha hai ji !! “.

Exploring self

So who am I, really, besides just a boy sitting behind a computer screen and giving you an inside look at my heart and my thoughts?

I’m the boy who can usually be found wearing a chic polo shirt (black is my favorite!). I'm the boy who is a bit awkward, a bit dorky and still a lot innocent. I'm the boy who isn't afraid to laugh at himself. I'm the boy who still, at 19, celebrates his half birthday. I'm the boy who is bold and confident (though I’m not sure anyone has picked up on my boldness yet). I'm the boy who likes to leave a little mystery behind him.

I’m the boy who intentionally hasn’t changed much since childhood( and I m not talking about my looks !).I still get excited if someone offers me a candy, I still love to go on family outings, I still enjoy getting drenched in the rain etc etc. I'm the boy who thinks imperfections are beautiful and sexy.

I’m also the boy who hasn't had much obstacles in life, has been pampered and cared a lot. Despite having a modest height I’ve never let it define who I am or my life but it has seemingly morphed into a defining factor when it comes to building a connection with others around me.

I’ve often asked myself these questions: How can you get someone to look past your appearance or your insecurities – and see the real you. Not the you with a fake and gaudy demeanour. Not the you having dressed up. Not even the you who smiles even though he’s sad. The real you – metaphorically naked and not ashamed to show people who you are.

I'm the boy who writes about anything and everything in his life(for quite some time now), even the girls he falls madly in love with who don't even know he exists. I'm the boy who is still very shy. I’m the boy who’s mastered the art of loving from afar, but ultimately, never having the courage to tell the gorgeous, sweet, funny, charming girl that she is, in fact, gorgeous, sweet, funny and charming. Or when I try, it always ends up not sounding anywhere near as sleek and sophisticated as it did in my head. My run-ins with the opposite sex have all had three things in common: dorky, awkward and quirky.

So let’s redefine life altogether? Inject my own brand of quirkiness into it – in heavy doses. The way I see it, life and relationships are like a one-way street always under road construction. You can see your destination, but can't quite get there, right? And let's not even get started on all those confusing signs pointing every which way. What do those signs even mean?

But really, what does it mean to live in today's world? What is it that keeps our blood pumping and our hearts racing? Because let’s face it, living in the modern age, with an inbox full of emails and an overflow of texts messages, isn’t something that each of us is really fond of. So come along for the journey; you might learn a thing or two about yourself along the way.

~ Nishant

P.S. I realize this all sounds like one big profile on blogger. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'll let you be the judge.