I was out on the terrace this evening, with the wind blowing in my
face, listening to Bon Jovi on loop, strolling around watching the horde of
cars whistling down the freeway overlooking my apartment. It seemed perfect and made me realize that I was chasing a fantasy all this while, a fantasy of a perfect life.
As a teenager, I had this fantasy all planned. I knew there might be a few hiccups but they’ll sort themselves out. Now I'm not going to share it. It's a bit hazy because back then I only had an overview. I left out the minute details figuring they weren't really important but now that I am actually really close to living this fantasy, I realize how important those details were.
As a teenager, I had this fantasy all planned. I knew there might be a few hiccups but they’ll sort themselves out. Now I'm not going to share it. It's a bit hazy because back then I only had an overview. I left out the minute details figuring they weren't really important but now that I am actually really close to living this fantasy, I realize how important those details were.
I want to change a
lot of things, not a drastic change though. A more gradual change, slowly
putting things back in order. As a child you carry with yourself many different
fantasies. Each day you see something new or hear something for the first time, your fantasies evolve. Post a certain age, when you have to finally decide
which one of these fantasies you really want to chase, you try your best to somehow pick up
the best pieces out of each of them, morph them into something realistic and go
for it. A bunch of them are left right there at this precise moment. Lost and
forgotten. Some of them stay with you for a while but during this journey at
the end of which you believe is your perfect life, the morphed pieces start coming apart and you keep losing them on the
way, one by one, some, without even realizing. Eventually you reach somewhere
close to your destination, only to realize you don’t even know if what's left of your fantasy is actually what should have stuck with you all this time? Maybe you
dropped something which might have brought you more happiness and fulfillment. You
see your destination but you don’t want to reach there because once you do, the
world will not let you turn back.
Even after you ignore the world, turning back isn’t easy itself. It
demands a lot of courage. What if you’re too late into starting this race all
over again. Maybe someone else picked up that fantasy of yours and made a life
out of it that you wished you had, maybe you’ll never find this fantasy or even
when you do, what if it’s not how you imagined it would be? Then comes the
pain. The pain of knowing that the one life you had so meticulously thought out
as a child has landed you in a situation where you don’t know where to go. Do I
stay at this destination forever and settle for it, maybe it’s actually not too
bad? Do I turn back, take on the world and start off for whatever’s next? Do
you actually get to live out multiple fantasies?
No one can answer these questions and we all know there’s only one
way to find out. So why not! One life, remember? I’m not saying just get up one
day and quit everything. Think about what next, plan and start taking smaller retreating
steps from where you currently are. Look towards your left and right, notice how
everyone else is trying to push themselves forward but look at their eyes, they
are all blindfolded. Stop someone and ask them, where to next? They’ll just
point you to the person ahead of them. Should we really live following someone
blindfolded?
Noticed how I used the word fantasy and not dreams the entire length of this post? Its because fantasies are really worth turning back for. You have no control over your dreams. Fantasies are something you create for yourself. Maybe they are unrealistic but heck, everything is unrealistic until someone eventually does it. Think about where you are and what you want to do, maybe there something else, better, that you and your life deserves.
Noticed how I used the word fantasy and not dreams the entire length of this post? Its because fantasies are really worth turning back for. You have no control over your dreams. Fantasies are something you create for yourself. Maybe they are unrealistic but heck, everything is unrealistic until someone eventually does it. Think about where you are and what you want to do, maybe there something else, better, that you and your life deserves.
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