Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. Well, at least that’s what we’d like to think the policy on honesty in colleges is. However, a college is a place where the thicker the skin (and I don’t mean cosmetically, though many have tried that too) the more safe guarded you are from the false statements that fall so easily from the lips of the folk.
I like to look at them as little white lies. No one is intentionally trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, rather, I see it as protecting each others feelings. OK, I may have lied there a little. There are some truths that need to be factored in, just so that we don’t come across as completely fake people. For one thing, colleges are flooded with people who won’t tell you the truth, because they don’t want to hear it themselves. For another, students in colleges like to live in bubbles, cocooned from the harsh realities of the world, and are usually too scared to confront their own truths. Lastly, and most importantly, they’re all a bunch of fibbers, from the students to the professors, working tirelessly at learning concepts and theorems that they have no clue about, explaining and giving presentations about concepts that no one since Einstein understood. I suppose you can call it a being-a-student” hazard, because we’ve gotten so darn good at faking it.I can never resist a good top 10, so here are the top 10 lies that make the rounds in the college life of students.
Exam time apprehension is swamped with fake statements, such as:
1. When some topper guy says to a lesser-privileged (so to say) guy, regarding his or her preparation, “Hey, kitna ho gaya ? yaar mera toh kuch nhi hua, I am so screwed !” What they really mean is “My 4th revision is complete, and I don’t feel like doing the 5th one right now, so I am here to pass my time and waste yours.”
2. When some lesser-privileged guy says to the topper “ Hey, wassup! Arrey yaar, I forgot to invite you to my party, chal lets go to the canteen, I’ll give you a treat” what they’re really trying to say is, “I’ll spend as much as I can on you and then ask you to teach, just so you can’t deny me on the grounds of guilt-consciousness and humane courtesy.”
3. When someone delivers a presentation, or conducts/participates in an event:
If someone gives you a hug after watching your performance and then says, “I’m speechless” what they really mean is, “you were awful, the only good thing about it was when you snorted out in between (at least it made us laugh). You should try and run to the nearest temple and live there till the memory of your act dwindles away and if you’re an atheist, light a candle and prepare for your vigil.”
4. When you ask someone to partner in a group task (projects etc), and their response is, “would love to but have committed to someone else and more importantly, I am terrible, you deserve someone better” what they’re really trying to say is: “For one, I don’t know you, secondly you are awful at the job, thirdly you dress like an eunuch and smell like a skunk and most importantly a toddler has more awareness of the task than you have and I wouldn’t even think of working with you even in the depths of unemployment!”
5. The ubiquitous, straight-faced, “But I never got your message” which, if they are truly lying, will be followed by them shoving their phone in your face, while they scroll through their messages. I mean, if that isn’t proof, what is? This is one of the worst lies to tell. There is no way in this day and age of technology that somebody is not getting messages. They got your message all right, and the message they want to send back to you is, ‘stop hounding me!’
6. (For girls) Spotted, a bitchy personality telling a recently fashionably-improved one, “You’re looking awesome. College life seems to be doing wonders, what a transformation!” Translation, “So finally my fashion sense has helped you improve yours! Now I can be seen around you without feeling embarrassed. ”
Or
7. “oh so your summer intern did pay off and finally you can afford the clothes that make you look awesome”!!
8. “Who chose that glowing text effect, and how do you do that?” If this is what someone asks you after watching the website you developed, what they’re really trying to do is deflect from actually talking about the website because that was the only nice thing they had to say about it.
9. “Hmmm, new look?” without anything else to follow that statement generally means, “I have so much to rip apart from the way you’ve dressed to your hair to your shoes, but I’ll refrain from being honest because your ego is too fragile, and I still have some time left in this college”
And finally, the lie every college student has said at some point or the other, the mother of all lies, and the most suspect of them all.
10. "I don’t have a crush on anyone in this college, I wish I was in blah blah college, have you seen the quality that enrolls there? Ahh…"
Though this lie is self-explanatory, I’ll reveal the veiled translation with nose-hair revealing details anyway. The guy spewing such crap is a "desperate-to-the-core soul. No girl in college has ever given him even a glance let alone being involved and his chances of ever impressing a girl are the same as an ant has of knocking over an elephant :P"
PS: I had so many more to share but then TOP 20 doesn’t sound as enticing as TOP 10. Ha, if you learned anything from this post you should have realised I meant “It took me 3 hrs to come up with 10 lies and even trying to think of adding another one to the list will be exploitation of my spatial repertoire”
ADIOS
:D - you can eye on that smiley for it may be a lie in disguise, a true cover for my jealousy of lacking the capability of writing such a hilarious truth.
ReplyDeleteLoved IT ;)
gaurav: stop embarrassing me dude! You don't need humor, you have content! Ppl like me use humor as a fallback for the lack of content. Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteGreat work man...i think it was really cool to just think of these funny things has really happened to me also in my college times.
ReplyDeleteThanks saifi :)
ReplyDeleteI agree, these things happen to everyone in college life!